I don't even know how to start this. I had an abortion this past Tuesday, and have pretty much hated myself since. I guess I'll give my 'background' info to start with. About a month ago my boyfriend who I loved with every ounce of myself broke up with me unexpectedly. my period was really late, but i did have what i thought was a light period. i attributed it all to the stress of the breakup and moving back into my apartment and stuff. i had even gone to the doctor because i had been throwing up quite a bit and sick, i wish he had done a pregnancy test then but he didn't because i had thought i had my period, and had been on birth control. well.... two weeks ago I went to the doctor because i had to have a biopsy done on something on my leg. before giving me the anasthetic the doctor had to give me a pregnancy test.... needless to say it came out positive. according to my last somewhat regular period i was about 8 weeks pregnant. i was extremely scared, sad, angry, embarassed.....i ran over all the options in my head because i can barely be in the same room with my ex let alone have to deal with him for the rest of my life. i pretty much decided that an abortion was going to be the way to go, and after doing research had decided a medical wouldn't be "so bad" i wanted to tell my ex in person because i felt that was the best way to do it.... i sent an e-mail telling him i needed to get together with him and talk and that it was important... he refused... he called me and played the guessing game until he got it right...and told me he was glad i was choosing the abortion because it would just be best (he has 2 kids already with his ex wife).... we hung up the phone and not too much later he called back and started asking how many people i had slept with since we broke up.....and that he would need proof it was his if he was going to help me. i flipped out. i was already not feeling great about myself for being in the situation i was.....and then he pretty much calls me a whore... i couldn't deal with it. i had my appointment tuesday... when they did the ultrasound they found out i was actually 11 weeks not 8.... so the medical was out of the question. they explained to me everything about the surgical.... and with every ounce of my body screaming no i still agreed to it. now here i am.... i'm hurting.....A LOT. my friends that know about it tell me i did the right thing and stuff....but it doesn't help. some even tell stories about how they were pregnant once and miscarried....and they just don't seem to understand that its not the same... they didn't CHOOSE to do that to themself. i cry a lot still. it seems with every cramp my subconscious screams at me reminding me of the mistake i've made. i want/need someone who knows how this feels.... who can tell me that eventually the hurt will go away. eventually i won't feel so bad....not to mention the fact that i definitely couldn't afford to do this.... i want/need my ex to at least show some emotion about all this. to at least ask if i'm okay, or show some sort of compassion towards it all. any advice would be much much appreciated.