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PASD - After Abortion
You Are Not Alone
amalyna
afterabortion
amalyna
PASD
Has anyone heard of Post Abortion Stress Disorder? It's basically like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There's debate over whether or not it exists but I can tell you it does. Worse than the trauma is the regret. I did it because everyone I know pressured me into it, and I would give anything to go back and undo it. I'm so angry at them. But I'm the angriest at myself. Because no one could make me do it. I had the final word. They asked me if it was my choice. All the lies I've told in my life... I know I hurt a lot of people. But I never intended to tell a lie that would take a life. I know I can't change things now; it is what it is. But it's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. And as much anger as I have at everyone around me, what consumes me is the hatred I have for myself. Everyone tells me I made the right choice. I'm not one to judge others for doing it; each person is entitled to their own view. But to me it's not a choice. It's murder. That everyone around me condones it just hurts me further. I don't deserve exoneration..... but no punishment could be worse than the regret I carry with me every moment of every day.
5 thoughts // speak up
Comments
reignst0rm From: reignst0rm Date: September 18th, 2010 12:23 am (UTC) (Link)
I completely believe in PASD.
desalete From: desalete Date: September 18th, 2010 07:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Six weeks ago I had an abortion for the same reason, and I felt -- and still feel -- the same way. Somehow, finally, I find myself beginning to move on, but I know that I will carry a permanent emotional scar. One tiny comfort I take from this is knowing that I will never go through this again. By experiencing this firsthand, I've learned that abortion is not right for me (I, too, support a woman's right to choose), and that martyrdom is not worth it -- "self-sacrifice is suicide."

I hope that you find forgiveness for yourself in time (and that so do I).
amalyna From: amalyna Date: September 22nd, 2010 12:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Forgiveness, perhaps... but the regret will always be there. However, I can't undo the past, and I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe someday I'll understand why it happened, but right now it's just too painful to see anything clearly.
From: seren007 Date: October 5th, 2010 01:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
i feel the same way. I really hate my family now but in the end I had the final say, I just wish I'd never listened to them at all.
sunrunnersioned From: sunrunnersioned Date: October 28th, 2010 01:57 am (UTC) (Link)
I looked it up when the nightmares started....I completely believe in it, and as I am in the Human Services field, I know alot of people as well believe in it.

I understand the punishment and guilt you're talking about---it was so hard....but maybe it time it'll lessen. All my best to you.
5 thoughts // speak up