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After Abortion
You Are Not Alone
red_crosses
afterabortion
red_crosses
Things didn't go as planned. I had the vacuum thing last week on friday. They put me out, i woke up sobbing, bleeding and in pain.
I cried the first day then nothing. Nothing for the whole week.

Then today my boyfriend kissed me, and tried to be romantic....I freaked out. Walked away...then five minutes later it hit me. I just got ride of what would have become our child.

Why is this hitting me now? Why is my boyfriend the one who's been having nightmares and waking up sobbing? Why am I the one who's been stable and just fine...up until now.
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afterabortion
boston_babe_88
It's been more than 2 years since I had my abortion. I'll never forget it. I was pregnant at my senior prom and at graduation.

Does it ever get easier? Can I ever move on? I'm so resentful of everything that happened and of the people who were involved..... my mother, my ex-boyfriend, the doctor who gave me the pills, the old woman standing outside of planned parenthood asking if i was going to kill my child now, and the people who worked at planned parenthood that wouldn't shut that old lady up. and everyone carrying those signs. fuck them all.

I know that there are people out there who have it worse than me. But 2 years?! lets tryyyy to move on.....


And now I see all these babies around making me think that I did the wrong thing. that I should have given him/her a chance and i didnt.


please help me move on?

or just help me.

mood: gloomy gloomy

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rona_dolvi
afterabortion
rona_dolvi
It's all a blur really. I was married in July of 2006, in November of that same year, our marriage had all but dissolved, so I moved in with my friend in January.

We started to date and things went really well. Feburary, we were wonderful, March... then...

Saint Patrick's Day, he realized I was late. We took a test two days later, and I was pregnant. This man, that had loved me and wanted the best for me, told me that the only way to go was to have an abortion. So against my own thoughts and wishes, I agreed.

I remember everything about the nine weeks and two days I was pregnant. I was so very happy. I remember having my boyfriend's BROTHER take me to the clinic on the day that it was suppose to happen. I was trembling. I remember praying and crying and begging for it to be a nightmare. I apologized to my child, which I have called a son.

I did as my 'boyfriend' wished, I aborted my son for him. I see it as murder even now. The worst pain is that a week to the day after that, he broke up with me and kicked me out of his house.

It's been two years, I've moved on, but this time of year still haunts me. I had my abortion in mid-April, and thankfully I was under general for it.

I still have nightmares, I still think about it all the time. How do you heal? How do you move on if you had to do something so hard against your will?

I only did it for the man I thought I loved, and turned out that he used me.

Thank you, and I hope you all have pleasant thoughts and a happy Easter.
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shakeyourjunk
afterabortion
shakeyourjunk
I had a surgical abortion back in February '08. The reason for it was because I have a lot of health problems and my doctor told me that if I didn't, it could be fatal for me. I know what I did was for the best. I have been having so many breakdowns ever since but especially at Christmas because it would've been our baby's first Christmas. It was so hard on me.

I have always been pro-choice and a lot of people in my family are not. Most of them are supportive, however. My grandparents are pretty much disgusted by it and they don't understand my health problems anyway so, it's been very hard having them look down on me and talk about me behind my back.

I'm on anti-depressants but some days, I just lay in bed and cry all day/night. I don't know if I'll ever overcome this and people don't understand how hard it is for me. They basically think I should just "not think about it". My fiance and my dad - love them to death but they just don't really GET it. They didn't have to go through it so it doesn't effect them as much as it does me. They try to be supportive but at the end of almost every conversation they will say, "just don't think about it" like it's just THAT easy or even possible.

I know my baby is in a better place and I know I made the right choice and the only choice but it still hurts so much. I think I could have all of the help and support in the world and I would still hurt, you know? It kills me to see people that I knew in school having babies left and right, some of them can't even support them and raise them but they are still having babies. When I see people that are pregnant or people with kids, it breaks me down. I don't know if I'll ever be able to go through pregnancy and I am totally okay with adopting but it's just hard.

Sorry for this being so long. I just really needed a safe place to vent and I know a lot of you understand. Love you all!

x-posted to abortioninfo.

mood: crushed crushed

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afterabortion
alexandra_777
I had a surgical one in Oct. 2005, one day away from four months,
when I started shooting morphine afterwards.
I was homeless, with no living parents at the time, and I had to sleep in laundromat bathrooms at one time. I had just enough money in the bank, I got a loan, that kept me in debt until this year. I had to hitchhike to another city to get it done, and I was stranded at a friend's home far away from my hometown for months, because I didn't know anyone who would pick me up, even if I had to be homeless in Nashville.

Before this, I had just lost my abusive mother to Cirrhosis of the liver, ad I dropped out of school to take care of her, and because I had been failing since 8th grade.

The "Father" told everyone in the social scene that I was a lying whore. We weren't really dating anyways.

It's been 3 years, and I'm as fucked up as ever. I'm not asking for advice like, "It was for the best", etc. No offense. I just want someone to talk to. There have been times when I wanted to call my mom, but then realized, oops, she's dead.
Sorry to be so blunt.

Thanks for listening.
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nevrose
afterabortion
nevrose
Hi, my name is Deirdra. I'm 19. I had an abortion at the end of February and it really hasn't affected me until now. Well, I mean there was the initial shock and distress and everything, but afterwards, nothing really. Here's some backstory first:

I had been drinking heavily and using lots of drugs, some of which I didn't even know what they were, and I was trying to lose weight through bulimia and starvation and I was self-injuring. I was a pretty nasty wreck. I go for my routine well-woman check up and I'm pregnant. And I've been doing all this stuff to the life inside me. I knew I had to choose abortion, I couldn't live with myself otherwise. I had a medication abortion and it was particularly hard because at the same time, my SO's sister was getting ready for her baby. Baby showers, baby gifts, baby everything and here I was, alone and afraid of their judgement. That was the hardest part: being happy for her baby and mourning the loss of my own. I don't regret what I did, but I just wish with all my might that I didn't drink and do drugs and be so stupid in those months.

Now, I want a baby, but because of my and my fiance's poor financial situation and living situation and our general situation, it's not an option. I feel a longing, a need. Now that I'm feeling this, my feelings about the abortion have resurfaced (along with the constant reminder of "WE REGRET OUR ABORTIONS" billboards everywhere). I feel alone, while my fiance is supportive, he doesn't know what it's like. He's supportive, but he's being practical when I need someone who's totally non-practical, I guess. I don't know what I want or need, but I just wish I could turn back time and relive the last year and a half of my life. It would have been so totally different if I had.
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emilier98
afterabortion
emilier98
Dear After Abortion Members,

My name is Emily Routt and I am a psychology major at the University of Dallas and I am conducting a survey on abortion.  This survey is completely anonymous and those who participate will remain completely anonymous.  I am in need of women between the ages of 18 and 22, you do not have to have had an abortion to participate.  I welcome any woman between 18 and 22 to participate.  Thank you all for you help and if you have any questions please contact me at eroutt@udallas.edu.

Survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=qchtf_2bZmrgMJidfXEOCddg_3d_3d

Emily Routt
University of Dallas
Psychology Department

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afterabortion
think_shalom

I hope this okay...

I haven’t had an abortion yet. I have an appointment at the termination clinic to have it done in 10 days time.  I only found out I was pregnant two days ago, and based on my estimation, I am only 4 weeks along, hence the reason I have to wait 10 days (in my country, abortions before 5 weeks are illegal.)

I cried my eyes out when the tests came back positive: but since that, I am not feeling anything.

I know I am going to have an abortion and that is that.
I am a bit scared about the medical side of things, but other then that, I just feel normal right now. I’m not angry, or sad. I don’t even feel gulty anymore for hiding it from my family. Its like I'm blocking it out or something.

Did this happen to anyone else before their procedure? Did you just go numb until it was over? When did you break down? I know it will hit me at some point, because I am such an emotional person – but I want to know when the reality kicks in? 


mood: discontent discontent

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afterabortion
confuzzled1989
so this is my first time posting, or even talking about this subject period. i had my first abortion when i was 16. i got pregnant at 15, right before my birthday. the guy told me in a hypothetical situation that if i was ever to get pregnant, he'd leave. so i didn't tell him. i got a job so i could pay for it. i had the procedure done w/o anesthesia so i could drive myself home. i hopped on the pill after that. about 2 years later, i sumhow, while still on the pill, got pregnant again. this guy was in the military & had no intentions of keeping a kid. he kickd me the money b4 he left to iraq & again, i was left to do this on my own. i went back on the pill, & still, somehow, got pregnant. i had my 3rd abortion about 2 months ago. everyone says it's a terrible thing to go through. they're right. i just think that maybe it wuldnt hav been quite so bad if i didn't have to do it all alone.
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qod1121
afterabortion
qod1121

Today is years after my due date of my abortion. It really sucked and I had to go to the doctor's and got a shot so that didn't help any. Also, I sent the would of been father a facebook message and he just laughed and told me if I contacted him again he was going to contact the police. Well, background information we live in the same neighborhood and my dad works with the police so pretty much fuck him for saying that. It did kinda make me feel like shit though, but I spent the day with my best buddy and she cheered me up otherwise I would of been crying all day. Yeah, I know it sucks but it was a good thing I have good friends to keep my mind off of things. Well, Yeah just thought I'd share my day with people like us who have all been through this. Sorry, If I just rambled on....

-Courtney.

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