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A couple of years ago I was in a nasty relationship. It all seemed… - After Abortion — LiveJournal
You Are Not Alone
A couple of years ago I was in a nasty relationship. It all seemed great at first but this guy drank and got high every night. We'd have sex every night, regardless of whether or not I wanted to. A lot of the time I just ignored it and pretended I was somewhere else. When it got to the point where I thought he might strike me, I left. He had asked me to marry him, and when I said no, he tried to kill himself. This guy was nutso. Anyway, after two months of being away from him, I found out I was pregnant. I had had no idea that I was. I know that sounds stupid but it's true. I went to get a refill on my birth control pills and found out there. It was awful. I instantly knew that there was no way I could give this child what it really needed, what it really deserved. I could barely take care of myself at the time. I was nearly living out of my car, no money saved up and alone. I also knew that if the father ever found out...bad things would happen, things I can't explain. So my sister drove me to a clinic and I had an abortion. It was the longest day of my life. I won't ever forget the women that worked in that clinic and the other women that were there with me. Some were as young as fifteen, some were as old as fifty. It was and will remain the most difficult thing I have ever done. I've wanted nothing more than to be a mother, all my life...It hurts. It will always hurt. I think of the baby as a boy, and I call him Marley when I need to talk to him. I loved my baby, but he deserved better than what I could give it. I won't regret what I did. But it does make me sad most days, to think that my son would be able to play with my niece and that he would be about a year old now, just like her. I think of his birthday as October 9th, and I think I will do something special for him. Only my close friends and my sister and brother in law know, and now you do too. It's good to be able to talk about it, because no one I know really understands. Thanks...
3 thoughts // speak up
rona_dolvi From: rona_dolvi Date: September 2nd, 2010 01:51 am (UTC) (Link)
It takes some serious trust to come out and mention this. Thank you for sharing your story and if you ever need to talk to anyone, contact me, I will listen.

Bless you.
0absinthe0 From: 0absinthe0 Date: September 4th, 2010 06:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. <3
sunrunnersioned From: sunrunnersioned Date: October 28th, 2010 01:55 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry you were in such a horrible relationship. Congrats to you for getting out of it.

I can remember every single detail of the clinic, but the 2 weeks after and before are just a blur to me. And the other women in the clinic are just en-grained on my memory. I too think of it as a boy, and dream of it's birthday.....but I did what i had to do, and even if in 10 years I regret it, I did it. It's so hard, but I hope you are able to eventually find peace. this is a great safe place to talk.
3 thoughts // speak up