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PASD - After Abortion
You Are Not Alone
Has anyone heard of Post Abortion Stress Disorder? It's basically like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. There's debate over whether or not it exists but I can tell you it does. Worse than the trauma is the regret. I did it because everyone I know pressured me into it, and I would give anything to go back and undo it. I'm so angry at them. But I'm the angriest at myself. Because no one could make me do it. I had the final word. They asked me if it was my choice. All the lies I've told in my life... I know I hurt a lot of people. But I never intended to tell a lie that would take a life. I know I can't change things now; it is what it is. But it's something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. And as much anger as I have at everyone around me, what consumes me is the hatred I have for myself. Everyone tells me I made the right choice. I'm not one to judge others for doing it; each person is entitled to their own view. But to me it's not a choice. It's murder. That everyone around me condones it just hurts me further. I don't deserve exoneration..... but no punishment could be worse than the regret I carry with me every moment of every day.
5 thoughts // speak up
reignst0rm From: reignst0rm Date: September 18th, 2010 12:23 am (UTC) (Link)
I completely believe in PASD.
desalete From: desalete Date: September 18th, 2010 07:37 am (UTC) (Link)
Six weeks ago I had an abortion for the same reason, and I felt -- and still feel -- the same way. Somehow, finally, I find myself beginning to move on, but I know that I will carry a permanent emotional scar. One tiny comfort I take from this is knowing that I will never go through this again. By experiencing this firsthand, I've learned that abortion is not right for me (I, too, support a woman's right to choose), and that martyrdom is not worth it -- "self-sacrifice is suicide."

I hope that you find forgiveness for yourself in time (and that so do I).
amalyna From: amalyna Date: September 22nd, 2010 12:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Forgiveness, perhaps... but the regret will always be there. However, I can't undo the past, and I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe someday I'll understand why it happened, but right now it's just too painful to see anything clearly.
From: seren007 Date: October 5th, 2010 01:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
i feel the same way. I really hate my family now but in the end I had the final say, I just wish I'd never listened to them at all.
sunrunnersioned From: sunrunnersioned Date: October 28th, 2010 01:57 am (UTC) (Link)
I looked it up when the nightmares started....I completely believe in it, and as I am in the Human Services field, I know alot of people as well believe in it.

I understand the punishment and guilt you're talking about---it was so hard....but maybe it time it'll lessen. All my best to you.
5 thoughts // speak up